Three words: puerto rican gang bang
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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