Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
