Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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