Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
