Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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