Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
