she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
