I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
