I could have mohawked her pubes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
