I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
