my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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