he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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