I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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