you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
