So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
