Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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