I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
