i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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