Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
