I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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