Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
