Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
