Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
