I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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