If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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