Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
