And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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