so explain again why im purple
no
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
