Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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