I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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