best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
