bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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