YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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