Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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