Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
