i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
