i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
