so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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