I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
