Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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