I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
