i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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