i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
