Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
