If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
