He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
