Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
