so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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