I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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