Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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