Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.