Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO