It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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