You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to