it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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