If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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