I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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