Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
