He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
