we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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