yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
accomplished twins. life is a go
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
