FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
