FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
