my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
