Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
