Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize