And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
