I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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