I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
