Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
