I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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