Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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