You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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