I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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