If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
