I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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