Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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