I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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